confessions..

Wow. Its been over a year since I've posted on VOX. Wow.

Well, I actually have my own internet hooked up now, so its easier for me to get online, no more borrowing someone elses computer. So I'm back! ;)

Alaynea will be 2 years old in just a few months! I cant believe how time has flown by! She talks alot, and repeats everything she hears. Shes getting really good at using her spoon and fork, and hopefully soon we'll start on potty training. I bought her panties and everything else to start the process, but she just wasnt quite ready, so I'm giving it a little while longer.

Bobby (Alaynea's father) and I talk about once a week, sometimes more. He is supposed to see her once a week now, but lately we've both been so busy we havent made it. Still no child support. No comment. :\

I have a boyfriend, his name is LEO. Great guy, with his own little son. So, we can relate alot on what its like having kids, and we know that we cant go out and party all the time, which is actually a problem whenever I meet guys now. They think I should still be able to run around and do whatever I want to until whatever hour.. and I cant. Altleast not me. Im a mom, and thats the most important thing, not a date with a guy. Anyway, he and I have our ups and downs, but we somehow manage to work through them every time. I love him. We've been together since October '08.

Hmm.. what else? You'll let me know.

K.. so Im slacking. Not just in Vox, but in all aspects of an online life. :\  

I'm full time at the preschool now, and when I'm not working, Alaynea keeps me pretty busy and occupied. Shes about 6.5 months old now and when she finally figures out how to crawl or walk.. I'll never be able to keep up with her! She's been sick again for the last two weeks, my poor lil' girl. :(   Now I'm sick too.. which isn't helping me any with getting things done.

I'm really not too interested in being online anymore, partly because I'm sharing this computer with far too many people. When I get the free time, I dont like sitting in front of the computer for too long. Im really into penpalling and scrapbooking. <3

I have alot of new pictures I need to upload, but right now I need to go..

Nothing new and eventful today..

Alaynea was up at 8:30 to eat, I didnt ever go back to sleep, it wouldve been pointless. I went to McDonalds and got my mom a coffee, since she was out. :)   

Later on we went to walmart to do some grocery shopping. We got Alaynea more baby food. Did I mention yesterday that she ate her first jar of bananas? I bought one of those feeder bottles, and gave it to her, she loved them! We tried sweet potatoes tonight, but she wasnt liking those very much. I think she'll probably just want to stick with fruits for right now. She did really good though, no problems pooping, no belly aches or anything. I'm only going to feed her food once a day for right now, just to make sure her tummy can handle it.

I went to work - fun fun. Its really not that bad the last couple of weeks. I've really been enjoying going to work everyday. Now if I could just get them to pay me more. :\    Everyone is ragging me about my having a crush on the coach. >.<   I just dont have the nerve to go over and make conversation, so they all pressure me about it. I'm hoping to get some more info on him soon, and maybe I could figure out some way to make a convo happen.

After work I took another car load of stuff over to my dad's house. I'm excited about moving, I'm finally able to set up all of Alaynea's cute bed stuff. All of her carebears stuff is out and being put to use. I'll take pictures of the finished product this weekend. :)   I still have alot to move over the next few days.

Finally it let me upload. ;)

What issues do you look forward to hearing about in the upcoming U.S. Presidential debates?

I cant say that I look forward to ANY of it. The stupid commercials, the rediculous promises and obvious lies. And THEN.. I'll have to listen to everyone complain about how the person they voted for DIDN'T win, and etc etc. Cant we just skip over all of this? Can I hibernate through it all??

I've got to stop going MIA on my VOX. :\     There's been so much going on lately.. I havent really even been getting online like I used to.

I'll be moving in with my dad, Abby, and her two sons over the course of this week. Hopefully we're fully moved in by this weekend. My mom's lease is up in Oct, and she really wants to get a different place. She cant really afford to get a two bedroom, and I cant help her out with any bills, so I think it would help her some if we moved out, plus at my dads we'll get our own room (to share).

I'm trying to get a second job, hopefully something working from like 6:30ish until 1 or 2am. Then I can spend the whole morning with Alaynea, go to work at the pre-k from 2:30 to 6 and start all over again. Right now, she's able to go to work with me at the pre-k and Abby works there too, so she can take her home from there. Then, when I get off from the second job (probably at a fast food joint, closing) I can go straight home and she'll already be in bed. :)   Its going to be really hard, and I'll miss her so much, but theres no way I'll ever be able to get out on my own if I dont do something.

I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do as far as child support. I know to many people it would be an easy choice - take him for all he's worth (which isn't much..)! But, as it is right now, he has no rights whatsoever unless he takes me to court (which is doubtedly to EVER happen..) and by getting child support, he'll be given those rights, and he'll only use that to hurt me. So, I'm putting alot of thought into it before I just go signing on any 'ole dotted line.

Alaynea's results were all good from her heart ultrasound the other day. One of her valves is a little thicker than normal, and that is the murmer they hear, but it isnt so thick that its preventing blood flow, so there's nothing to worry about. She DOES have a hole between the two chambers of her heart, but it is normal, and should close within the next three years; nothing to worry about. I have to take her back in three months and the doc wants to keep an eye on her as she grows, just to make sure the valve doesnt start causing problems as she gets bigger. She weighed in at 13 pnds 9oz!

I have new pictures, but its being stupid and wont let me upload them. :\

Everyone at the preschool is trying to help me get to know the gym coach. He is sooo cute, goes to church and everything, and probably doesn't even know I exist. >.<   I think he's the ONLY one there who doesn't know that I like him... hopefully, I dont get completely embarrassed in the process of all of this. If it's supposed to happen, it will happen.

Well.. goodnight to everyone, I hope life is treating you all well.

Well, I dont really have some brilliant excuse as to why I haven't been updating like I used to.. except, I have a baby, a job, and I'm babysitting in the mornings for some extra money. Bobby doesnt help me AT ALL, so.. I have to stay busy earning ANYTHING to keep this boat floating. Though I've paddled so hard lately we're going to drown here in a few days. I'm screwed.

I owe more than I can make, especially when I'm being screwed on my job. $300 for my car payment due on the 22nd. $106 for my car insurance, due on the 20th. And, Nextel expects me to believe that I went $25 over my minutes, and now my cell phone bill is $105!

$511 that I owe out now.. and Im LUCKY to make $400 in a month! I'm SCREWED.

Not to mention that Alaynea has a cold or something, and Im shelling out money for medicine for that. Gas is up to $2.76 a gallon.. and that breaks my heart and whats left of my wallet. I'm so stressed and overwhelmed. Sometimes I just want to throw in the towel and quit.

Im hopefully going to go and apply for some jobs tomorrow.. anything, even McDonalds will make me more money than the preschool is giving me. It sucks, because the more hours I get, the harder it is to find someone who is able to watch her. Its a catch 27.

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I have more I want to say.. but I'm so sleepy, I'm going to go hop in the bed so I have a chance in hell at finding a new place of employment in the morning. Wish me luck.

Maybe next time; single and looking, Alaynea is growing, and my new CRUSH(s). Yes, its plural!

I cant believe it been almost a month since I last wrote. :\   Oops. Alot has happened.

Alaynea had her heart appointment, and she has another this tuesday (september 11th) for an ultrasound. There's a possibility she has a hole between the two chambers of her heart. Pray for us and those results.. I'm totally stressed out about this, but keeping my cool somehow.

I cant believe she will be two months on the 9th! It doesn't seem like that long ago in some ways, and in others.. it seems like its been years already. lol. Time is flying by and my little girl is getting so big! :(

Bobby hasn't been helping out at all. I've finally decided to go for child support. We had it out because he says he cant give me money but he'll buy the items I need because the "money doesn't always go where its intended". I've never spent money he gave me on something it wasnt meant for, so I dont know what he's talking about. Whenever I told him that he was lucky I dont take him to court for childsupport, he made the comment "how do plan on doing that, I never signed the birth certificate". Bad Choice! Now I'm going to get childsupport, one way or the other.. because now I see why he never brought the birth certificate up again. He's been telling me for a week that he would get some diapers. Everyday theres a new excuse as to why he hasnt got them yet and he'll have them "tomorrow". Whatever. I'll figure out another way to get diapers, I cant make my daughter stop pooping until your ready to BE A MAN and go get some!!

K, I have plenty more to write.. but I need some sleep. Hopefully tomorrow I'll remember to write more. Leave comments to remind me. ;)

Heres some new pictures of Alaynea, all dressed up for church sunday.

Shes doing really good, and getting so big! I add oatmeal to her formula now, because the doc told me to, and its doing wonders for her tummy and "acid reflux". Today is the first time she's sat in her swing for awhile. Before, she was scared of it.

She had a doc appointment on Friday and weighed 9pnds 15 oz, and then on Tuesday we went back to make sure the oatmeal was working out, and she weighed 10pnds 6oz! Guess its workin' good, Doc!

What are the 10 foods you must have in your refrigerator and/or your kitchen cabinet? 
Submitted by Carol.  

1. koolaid
2. sugar
3. baby formula
4. baby oatmeal
5. bottled water
6. nursery water
7. bread
8. bagels
9. cream cheese
10. sliced cheese

I think I could add more. lol. I didnt realize that I NEEDED so much. :\

This probably wont be a very long entry, since its almost 2am and I've got to get up at like 9 to go to church with mom. It'll be the first time Alaynea gets to go. ;)

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Bobby and I got into a fight again tonight.. AGAIN. It's never-ending with us. I just dont know what to do.. I mean, as much as he tells me he wants to be with us, and blah blah blah.. he just isnt doing anything to BE with us. Actions speak louder than words. I've said that a BAZILLION times, and its true. You cant sit there and whine to me about how you miss us and its my fault because I have time for everyone BUT you. Bullcrap. I dont go anywhere except to my dads house, I never get to do the things I used to do anymore. Its too difficult to cart a 1 month old around. Besides, if you honestly wanted to be with us, you'd be fixing the things you need to fix.

STOP SMOKING WEED!

and we can be together.

the end.

kthnx.

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I finally talked things out with my mom.. we didnt completely fix things, but atleast she knows that her CONSTANT nagging is driving me away from her and I need her to chill out.

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I signed up yesterday to go and take my GED test. The actual test isn't until September 11th and 12th. Im nervous, but whatever. Ashley is supposed to be signing up to take the test too. That'll make me feel somewhat better that someone is doing it with me.

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Well.. I should get some sleep. Hopefully tomorrow I'll have more time.. and tell ya about Alayneas one month doc visit.